Does God Withhold Mercy

Does God Withhold Mercy?

For He says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whomever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion." Romans 9:15

I've talked about a number of ways God shows mercy on His beloved children. But, it's also important to understand that there are times when God will withhold mercy, no matter how much we may cry out for it. The above verse can imply that God does so out of His own sovereignty. But, we must remember that God never does anything in our lives without making some sort of guideline available to help us understand what is going on. (Though sometimes we have to search for it.)

There are three areas of our own lives that will have a definite effect on whether God shows us mercy. An unforgiving attitude, failing to show mercy, or lack of true repentance can each deny us the mercy which the Bible promises God wants to pour out upon us all. (Eph. 2:4) First, I want to discuss unforgiving attitude.

And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors. Mt. 6:12

These words, spoken by Jesus as He taught His disciples how to pray, reveal a very important, but often overlooked, truth: forgiveness by God of our sins depends on our willingness to forgive those who have offended us. Paul repeats this in a number of places:

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you. Eph. 4:32

…forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. Col. 3:13

Jesus makes the point even more direct with the following:

For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. Mt. 7:2

It's obvious that whatever our attitude is toward those around us, God will adopt a similar attitude toward us. If we are willing to forgive offenses and show an abundance of mercy on others, then we can expect the same from God (Mt. 5:7). But, if we are unforgiving and hard-hearted toward others, then God will render to us out of the same measure.

Right now, if you are thinking, "I always forgive people who deserve it by telling me they are really sorry." Well, the truth is that no one deserves forgiveness anyway. We certainly don't deserve forgiveness for our mountain of sins against God, but that is precisely why Christ came to earth and hung on the cross: we don't deserve forgiveness, any more than Jesus deserved to die. It was a sacrifice He was willing to make because of His infinite love for us. Like it or not, forgiving others is not dependent on their willingness to apologize. In fact, the only reason I can think of for making your forgiveness dependent on the apology of the offender is pride. Look again at Mt. 6:12: "Forgive us our debts (sins) as we forgive our debtors (those who sin against us)." Do you truly want God to withhold His forgiveness from you because you are waiting for someone to come to you and apologize before you forgive him? I'm not saying it's easy to do. Forgiving someone who shows know inkling whatsoever that she needs to apologize to you is one of the hardest things to do. But, being like Jesus was never supposed to be easy.

I'll forgive him, but I'll never forget what he did to me.

This is a tragically common attitude. People hold on to the hurt of offense, fooling themselves into thinking they have forgiven the person, when in fact their unwillingness to allow reconciliation and trust to be restored is the proof that they haven't forgiven. If God took this attitude toward us, we would be absolutely destitute, because He would be unable to trust any of us. Here is God's version of "forgive and forget":

I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake;
And I will not remember your sins. Ezek. 18:22

He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities.
For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us. Ps. 103:10-12

Dare any of us hold another's trespass against him in light of how God shows such mercy toward us? Reconciliation, and with it a willingness to restore trust, are true fruits of forgiveness. Now, I'm not saying you must fervently pursue reconciliation with someone who has offended you and has no interest in restoring the breach. You should make the offer, but if the other doesn't respond, you have done your part to that point, and should simply turn to prayer as the best way to see God's will worked in the matter. But, if you have truly forgiven the other, you should not only be willing, but also actively desire to see the breach in your relationship with that person restored. Christ did no less on the cross. I see the failure of the church to abide by this pure, simple truth most often in the area of divorce. It is bad enough that the divorce rate among Christians is as high as it is among non-believers, but for a spouse to say, "I forgive her, but I have no desire to reconcile" is in direct opposition to what God commands us to do. If the ex-spouse is willing to reconcile, you really have no choice in the vast majority of situations but to do so. Yes, you may get hurt again. It may not work out. But, obeying God has never been risk-free. That we have come to think that our emotional comfort is an excuse for obedience to God is nearly as great a tragedy as our failure to preach the Gospel as we should.

That said, I will also say that there are exceptions. Your relationship with God comes first, and there are instances in which God never blessed a marriage, and it drew the members away from God. Sometimes you may fervently desire to reconcile, but your ex simply has no interest. I believe that in some cases, that person is at the place he/she wants to be with God and you simply have to move on with the Lord, trusting Him to attend to that person's spiritual state. Remember that your ex-spouse's growth in God is more important than even your marriage. God may know that your ex simply could not grow in Christ if he/she were still married to you. Also if your own spiritual growth is stunted by your efforts to "stand for restoration" of a broken marriage, then perhaps you need to prayerfully consider that God has "cut off" an offending member (Mt. 5:30). This is a difficult issue, and I plan on addressing it more directly at another time. For now, I present this as an example of how we fail to truly forgive others whenever we refuse to allow God to heal our relationship with that person. And, as I have already stated, failing to forgive others is a good way to cause God to withhold His merciful forgiveness from you.

This is one of the most difficult areas of living a Christlike life. We are so often beset by trials that are the direct result of the selfishness and insensitivity of others. It is bad enough to be hurt by those you know: it's worse when the offending person is either oblivious to the hurt, or appears to have no desire to apologize or make amends. The world says to give as good as you get, quid pro quo and make 'em pay for what they've done. Jesus says to do just the opposite. Lack of forgiveness does more harm to you than to the other: far more harm than you may recognize. It can stop you in your tracks, spiritually speaking. Think about this: Jesus died to purchase forgiveness, by his own shed blood, for the most sinful of us. We are to desire to become like Christ. Can unforgiveness in our own lives possibly be reconciled with the Father's ideal of making us into the image of His Son? Of course not. God takes this so seriously that He has both commanded us to forgive others, regardless of what they have done, and promised that we will receive from Him whatever measure of mercy we show towards others.

I had to learn this the hard way myself. From the depths of a pit of despair and pain (which was truly of my own making) I realized I was simply reaping what I had sown. The apparent lack of mercy God was showing me was simply His using the same measure I had used in my attitude toward others. I look back and realize that the satisfaction I once felt at feeling I somehow was right to be unmerciful and unforgiving (which really only fed my pride) pales in comparison to the joy I now receive from the Lord. That joy comes from realizing that it is far easier to forgive others than it is to hold on to offense. It really is. All you need to do is stop focusing on yourself and your own pain, and look to Jesus. The more willing I have become to forgive others, the more I have gained a deeper understanding of God's forgiveness, grace and mercy in my own life. I need these three blessings so much, I have started using an industrial-sized dump truck to heap them on others. I don't always succeed, but the Lord knows where my heart is at. Matthew 7:2 can work very much in your favor if you want it to.

Next: Unmerciful attitudes demand judgment from God.