Who to Trust.

You find yourself feeling totally alone and abandoned. Those you look to for help just don't seem to care about what you are going through. You feel like you are dying inside, and everywhere you turn it seems that you have become invisible. Can't anyone see what you are going through?

Friends and relatives seem preoccupied with less important (to you at least) matters. Even the pastors or counselors at your church seem to be indifferent to your pain. You are left wondering what it is about you that has made you so unloved by those who you feel should love you the most.

You feel totally abandoned, even betrayed.You plead with God for someone you trust to reach out and minister to you.

But it doesn't happen.

I've been down that path, for a reason many find themselves on the same desolate path of alienation right now. I've been divorced.

I was fortunate in that the pastors of my church, and those members that knew me, did not reject me out of hand simply because of the "Big D". They had enough of Jesus shining through them that they knew better. But, what did happen was various circumstances combined to leave me feeling totally without support from those I had thought and hoped would provide some form of comfort during the worst time of my life. I not only faced divorce, but a debilitating illness, loss of job and depression. I was on the verge of taking my own life when God intervened. (Maybe one day I will give the details of that little miracle, but not right now.)

What happened, basically, is that I "fell through the cracks". No one knew for sure how to handle my situation.This was due, in part at least, to the fact that I had some attitudes that made it difficult for others to minister to me. Spiritual pride and arrogance gave people the impression that I thought I had all the answers. It didn't help any that in my pain, I let bitterness get the better of me and expressed my resentment to those trying to help. Often, when you are hurting, it can be easy to forget that a pastor has to deal with a number of other hurting people, some of whom may be dealing with much more difficult circumstances. But, when you are at a point where you feel totally unloved, abandoned and worthless, you really can't think about that. You only know that you have more pain than you feel you can bear, and you want someone to do something to offer some sort of comfort.

My beloved wife had simply left me, declaring her intention to divorce me. If you've ever had a spouse leave, you know just how worthless and unloved it makes you feel. It creates a such a desire for someone to believe in you and show some sort of love that you look around desperately for a hint that another person-and God-still care whether you live or die.

Often, you come up empty-handed. All this does is lead you deeper into the pit of despair and alienation that you are in. Like quicksand, the more you flail about and try to save yourself, the deeper you sink.

In my own life, as I sank into depression, with no help (at least the sort of help I was demanding) forthcoming from those I was crying out to I came to the decision that I really couldn't trust any person to respond to and meet my needs adequately.

Which is exactly where the Lord wanted me to end up.

You really can't trust people as much as you should trust Jesus. In fact, you shouldn't trust people as much as you trust the Lord (Ps. 20:6-7). To whatever degree you do trust them, it should be because of Jesus inside of them rather than their own abilities. God is our source. Though He uses people to minister to each of us in our time of need, you should reach a point where you aren't surprised or dismayed if others don't come through as you'd hoped.

This is one of those things that sounds and reads a whole lot easier than it is to walk it out.

God designed us to need others. The desire to love and be loved is one of the most powerful forces that drive human behavior. When this desire is not met, your very worth is called into question. When it seems that absolutely no one cares about you, then you often stop caring about yourself. But, you need to remember there is One who will never, ever stop caring. Jesus. In fact, He cares so much that He will jealously work in your life to make sure that you trust Him as you should. If you are as hard-headed as I can be, then you may find that the only way to learn that lesson is to find that everyone else you want to trust let's you down in some way. It's not that people are so bad: it's that Jesus is truly so much better.

Is feeling abandoned and rejected by those you trust justification for leaving a church? Running away? Giving up? Committing suicide? It may seem like it at the time. But, you need to remember that we walk by faith, not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7). Satisfying an immediate emotional need isn't necessarily God's best solution. In fact, it can actually prolong the suffering because it let's you avoid the real answer: learning to trust God for things you have long relied on people for.

Consider Job. His entire life was ruined. He'd reached such a low point that his wife's only advice was to "Curse God and die" (Job 2:9) His friends simply added to his trials by letting him know just what they thought he'd done to deserve his woeful situation. Yet, it was only when Job ministered to those same people in prayer that God restored all that Job had lost, and more (Job 42:10). Bitterness and resentment towards those who have let you down is not the answer.

When you hurt, friends, family and pastors may seem indifferent, even condemning. Everything in you wants to just run away. I know what it's like to cry out to God from a broken heart, begging for someone, anyone to believe in you and let you know you are loved. When it doesn't happen, you reach a point of such despair that you want to just give up. It can reach a point where you consider ending your own life.

This is the point where you need to press in toward God more than you ever have. It was at this same point in my life that I learned something Job had to learn: that knowing about God isn't nearly as wonderful as really knowing God as intimately as He yearns for us to do.

I was lying in the middle of my living room, voicing all the resentment, anger and bitterness that was building in my heart. Suddenly, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit so strongly, that I simply could not speak anymore. I closed my eyes, and in my mind saw the Lord hold a mirror up to me. I looked at my reflection and realized just how foul and unworthy a person I really was, in and of myself. As I realized the truth about myself, instead of even greater despair, I heard Jesus tell me that what I was seeing was what He saw, but that it made no difference to Him. He loves me, not who I think myself to be. He sees into depths of my soul that I can't face myself, and loves me still. He loves me enough to have hung on the cross to deliver me from myself. He loves me enough to bring me to the point where I had to learn, the hard way, that He would not allow me to trust anyone as much as I trust Him. Not that He is jealous. Rather, He knows that people can and will fail. Only Jesus can be trusted to always be there, no matter what you are going through. I look back now, not just on this one event, but on my entire life of up and down commitment to God. I've learned at last the truth of 2 Tim. 2:13.

If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.

If you find yourself feeling like you are totally alone, you aren't. There is One who will stand by you, even if you have given up yourself. You may even be going through a terrible trial specifically because Jesus wants you to learn to truly trust Him as you trust no other. If you have had a habit of relying on people more than God, then the Holy Spirit really does want to work to free you from that reliance in weak flesh, and show you how to truly stand on the Solid Rock. God may feel like He is hiding from you. This isn't because He doesn't care. It's because He wants you to learn to press in like you never have before. When you are in that place, you won't find any person truly able to help, because no one can. The Lord has let things develop to the point where only He can provide comfort and resolution.

I'm not saying that such dire circumstances are somehow your "fault". The blame for the situation is far less important to God than the solution. Nor am I saying that suddenly all the pain and heartache will just disappear. It won't. Jesus knows the pain you feel because when He dwells within you, He is living every second of your life right along with you. He may not deliver you from the situation simply because you need to learn to weather the storm with Him in control. When you come to that place where what is happening to you is overshadowed by the presence of Christ in you, then you truly have entered into His rest.

To some, what I have discussed here may not seem to relate to mercy. It does, when you consider this verse:

In Your mercy cut off my enemies,
And destroy all those who afflict my soul.
Ps.143:12

I'll explain this more in the next article, "You Call That Mercy, God?"